i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Randomize
