turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
