I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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