thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
