Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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