Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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