Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
