I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
