his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
