I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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