Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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