I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
