Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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