update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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