oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
