You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize