is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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