I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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