But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
