He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
