i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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