I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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