i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize