You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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