Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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