Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
