Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize