note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize