i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
