i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
