My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
