WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
