I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
