we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Welp...herpes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
