I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
