I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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