my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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