one might say we're banned from that church
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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