I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
