8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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