you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
