I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
