help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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