sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
