It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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