Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
