Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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