Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the day after is always just damage control
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i think my cat just said my name.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
