Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
