Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
