he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
