I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
