I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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