I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize