I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
