here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
