The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
