So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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