Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was confusing and full of hummus
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
