What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
