I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
