I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
two words: eviction party
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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