I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
