I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sarcasm needs its own font
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
