she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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