Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
