dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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