How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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