I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
