so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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