So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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