My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
