let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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